First off lets get it right, being a fan of the so-called “Premier” league, Raymond should be calling this sport football not futbol or futball. With that taken care of and his credibility on this subject already somewhat damaged, lets get down to business. I’ll skip number three because honestly I haven’t seen the kid play (some of us poorer folks don’t have a gazillion sports channels at home). Based on the picks for #1 and #2 though this Walcott kid defaults to garbage, until proven otherwise. Lets take a look at the top two choices.
Wayne Rooney = Thug
Seriously, I can’t believe this dude has been considered for a top player list. Sure the dude has a cannon for a leg but this is soccer/football/futbol you need more than that (which he doesn’t have), go be a kicker for an American Football team. It’s ok though Raymond, at one point I think Nike too thought Rooney was good. Just peep this commercial:
The making of probably went down a lil bit like this:
Nike Exec: Lets put that Rooney guy in a commercial, he seems to be pretty popular over there in England.
Director: Ok
<<Director flys over to England to film at a Manchester practice.>>
Director: Crap, this dude is garbage. I’ve been filming all day and I have nothing to use, how is this guy a star? We’ll just have to use the footage of him joking around playing goalie…
Also note the convenient cuts at 0:38 and 0:45 just showing a close up of the feet, they probably couldn’t get a shot of Rooney doing either of those things so they had to use a stand in. I’ll keep this short for now as there’s plenty of evidence of his crappy-ness just about anywhere.
Oh man, I just found this commercial while writing this up:
Thanks for proving my point Nike.
Cristiano Ronaldo = Showboat
Again, lets turn to some video evidence. Cristiano is known for his fancy footwork on the field so lets look at some highlights:
Well, Cristiano…he can step over a moving ball really, really quickly a whole lot of times, I’ll give him that. That’s only going to get someone so far and in professional soccer that’s not very far at all as we can see by his need to fall down when the simple step over doesn’t work and the defender is still right there. Another thing that bugs me about this dude is that his moves look awkward and stilted, there’s no smoothness and grace when the man has the ball. And how often are his moves even necessary? I swear 80% of the time he’s just jumping over the ball because its easier for him to do that than to look up-field for someone to pass to.
Lets compare the Cristiano step over to the step over of someone who knows what he is doing:
Everything about this one example is better, his two step overs are one fluid motion in his dribbling and it actually faked out the defender so there was a point to it. This is a man who knows what he is doing and obviously lives the game. There will be more on him in my next post so this brief clip is all that’s needed.
I now end my response with one last vid, you don’t impress me Cristiano, you are just a showboat.
Sorry to be so harsh Raymond but it had to be done, you’ll thank me later. This was for your own good and to save the credibility of the Smash or Pass.
‘If Cristiano and Rooney are so crappy who’s a real football player?’ you might ask. Stay tuned for Tpain’s list of the real top notch players coming next week.
-tpain signing off
Edit: fixed the spelling of Cristiano, evidently there’s no h.
Smash or Pass 
Leave a comment