Get Rich or Die Tryin’

30 04 2010

they say i’m borderline disrespectful, i tell em suck my dick as long as my wrist and neck glow, i put chicks on XO, then show ’em the breast stroke, hurricane dame i splash and let her legs go, far as my checks go, got cribs in escrow, in three years flat i’m crowned king of the west coast. -the game

Sorry for the lack of entertainment, but we’ve been too busy grindin on that paper chase and enjoying the finer things in life to manage this blog. Apologies to our loyal fan(s), we see you. Someday we’ll be back, leaner and meaner.

Until then… enjoy our new anthem: Rick Ross & Triple C’s – Diamonds & Maybachs.

-dre’mond





Imma Fall Back

30 11 2009

“Let’s dance in style, let’s dance for a while. Heaven can wait, we’re only watching the skies. Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst, are you gonna drop the bomb or not? Let us die young or let us live forever, we don’t have the power but we never say never. Sitting in a sand pit, life is a short trip, the music’s for the sad man…

Forever young, I wanna be forever young. Do you really want to live forever, forever, forever young?”

Hm, ok then.

Just to make this post a tiny bit substantial, here’s some musics:

Chris Brown – So cold, Crawling, and Sing like me
Usher – Papers, More, Realest one, and Daddy’s home (without Plies)
Brandy – Take me back
Keri Hilson – I like
Alicia Keys – Doesn’t mean anything, Try sleeping with a broken heart, and Empire State of Mind Pt 2 (Must watch)
Toni Braxton – Rewind that
Jay Sean – War, Eternity, and Do you
John Mayer – Half of my heart
Jason Derulo – In my head
The Game – Better days
50 Cent Ft. Eminem – Psycho
One Republic – Made for you, All the right moves, Good life, and Secrets (new album is growing on me)

-dre’mond





rihanna is not a punching bag, chris

26 09 2009

Hm, so I’ve been sluffin on this blog posting business. My beezy yo. I see my cohorts (linked to the right) have also fallen off the blogosphere. wtf gook in korea?! My motivation has been waning and the white man has been tryin to keep me occupied at work, but its all good (from diego to the bay, your city is the bomb if your city making pay, throw up a finger if you feel the same way, dre puttin it down for californ-i-a), I could never abandon my loyal fan base. I know you guys log on (or check that RSS feed if you’re white and educated) to see what me and t-pain gots to say on the daily son. Read on, for a little glimpse into my world recently…

Seattle_Police

So a few weeks ago I went on a police ride-along with the SPD-souf precinct AKA the ghetto. Yes, the place you keep hearing about on the news: Rainier Valley, MLK Way, the battle zone for the CD thugs vs the Rainier Beach gangbangers. This was tight cuz I was in the front passenger seat for everything. The regular traffic stop, the hostile traffic stops (involving multiple units and madd weaponry), and the high-speed chases (multiple). I was also chillin up there while we booked this middle-aged Vietnamese lady for DUI. Peepz the pics of her recklessness:

08-21-09_211508-21-09_211608-21-09_211708-21-09_2114

We hit up Subway for lunch (at 1 AM), heard stories about the many crazy people out there, hassled some neeg teens loitering in a park after hours, hassled some gangsters, and searched for gun casings from an apparent drive-by. We also visited Mt Baker to tell some rowdy neegs to quiet down their houseparty. I never knew black people could actually live in Mt Baker.

Conclusion: This is definitely an exciting job, and if I weren’t so trigger-happy, I just might be interested. If I ever did become a cop, there would be an extraordinary rise in racially-motivated shootings. Dark people are scary in the dark, so shoot first and ask questions later right?

Seattle-Skyline

Now that summer has come and gone, though the weather has stayed sexy for longer than usual, tis time for the ’09 summer highlights recap:

Ben’s Cabin – AYCE oysters and clams is no joke. We did things man-style and cooked everything on a small charcoal grill (gas is for biiiitches). First night it was burgers and sausages paired with a taste from the rockies, ice-cold Coor’s Light. The next day it was a SeaFest of oysters and clams, and the newly created ClamDogs and ClamBurgers. Suffice to say, both creations were a miserable failure.

DSCN7648DSCN7654

At night, while completely sober and in pitch black conditions, we made a short hike to the main street. For some reason this was weird to me, yet very memorable. I started the night sleeping on the carpet next to a soccer ball, then I moved to a lounge chair. Somewhere during this time, the mexican decided to completely destroy the toilet and require the services of a plunger for relief. I hope he learned his lesson.

Much props to Ben for coming through real major, Pablo for pushin the honey-wagon whip, and Brian for toning down the gay. Much hate to the flakers who were not in attendence.

Vegas – Bachelor party. 115 degrees. Caesars. Hot black girl. Bottle service. Tao. Subway. Club XS. Ellis Island. Harrah’s buffet. In-N-Out.

I don’t need to say much else, except that this was a fun trip. Oh, and hot black girl from the PCD section of Caesars casino, please come find me. PLEEEASEEE?! You are tremendously bangin and you made me money. Gah, we should just get married. Oh, and yet again I ended up sleeping in a lounge chair for two nights, wtf?

Hm, thought I had more to write about my summer. This is sad. I guess I could include the return of tpain to the lovely confines of the 206, but I have yet to decide if that’s a highlight or a lowlight… OOOOH SNAPz! Anyways, very solid summer, and better than the year before, but its hard to top 2006 or prior.

colbie_caillatJAYZ

Review of recent albums (songs in bold are must-listen):

Colbie Caillat – Breakthrough: Very solid album. I wouldn’t say its better than her first, but its definitely easy to listen to the entire album all the way through. She needs to get crackin on some swanky music videos. Notable tracks: Begin Again, You Got Me, Fallin For You, Rainbow, Droplets, I Never Told You, Fearless, Runnin Around, Break Through, It Stops Today, Lucky (even though Jason Mraz is a gay). Bonus album notables: What I Wanted to Say, Don’t Hold Me Down, and Never Let You Go.

Letoya – Lady Love: All her bangers leaked before her album, so you could say I’m disappointed with this. But with a third of her tracks ranging from good to “hmm, tasty”, this is a slightly above average album. She also needs to get crackin on some sexy music videos with her fine ass self. Notable tracks: She Ain’t Got, Lazy, Not Anymore, Good To Me, Regret, I Need A U, Take Away Love, and Don’t Need U.

Jay-Z – BluePrint 3: Holla atcha boy, Young Hov is back. The leaked singles definitely got me excited for this album. And while Jay-Z may no longer be a lyrical mastermind (eh, his style never completely won me over), he still puts out some very tasty songs. Production from kanye and No ID is what really makes this album. Collabo’s with Mr Hudson (a white guy?!), Rihanna (I bet Jay-Z hit this harder than Chris Brown, but without his hands, naw mean?), Young Jeezy (voice so hoarse, his name should be porsche), Drake (this guy is blowing up faster than tomas’ bout with ghonerrea), and the mighty fine Alicia Keys help as well. I’ll put this one slightly below the Black Album, cuz that thang had some anthems (BRUSH YO SHOULDER OFF NIG!) on it. Notable bangers: Run This Town, Empire State of Mind, Real As It Gets, Already Home, Reminder, Young Forever.

Fabolous – Loso’s Way: Eh. This guy’s style is just really starting to turn me off. He’s starting to sound more like Flo Rida to me, and that is NOT a good look, homie. He’s got some nice collabo’s with Lil Wayne and Ne-Yo, but its apparent that Fabo has fallen off. Or maybe my tastes have changed? NEVAR! Notable bangers: Imma Do It (chorus only), Salute, and Makin Love.

Ace Hood – Ruthless: You’re prob like, yo Rdeezy, who the hell is ace hood? Well, besides his catchy slick name, this guy puts out some real gutta music. Gutta with a capitol G. Yeah, so his ryhmes aren’t sophisticated or thought-provoking, but its quite evident from his small vocabulary, this neeg spits from the heart and his beats are real head-knockers. Drums, snares, and bASS in yo face will have your bumpin this album in your car for days. Notable bangers: Born an OG, Champion, Get Money, Loco with the Cake, Love Somebody, and Overtime.

Mariah Carey – Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel: Quick listen through. Not bad. Will go through it more thoroughly in the coming weeks. Funny thing is the 50 jizzilion versions of her song “Obssessed”. Might she be a bit obsessed with that song? See what I did there? Clever word-play no? Yes. Nod your head.

nivea07_beyonce_02

Here’s some old singles that I forgot to post about (no links for anything, cuz I’m way too lazy):

taylor swift – you belong to me, backstreet boys – soldier down, bsb – all in my head, michelle branch – sooner or later, asia cruise – no thanks to you, chris brown – changed man, marie digby – surrender, jojo – forever in my life, beyonce – poison, beyonce – slow love, atozzio – any day, rich girl – lucky you are, ne-yo – easy, flo rida ft ne-yo – be on you, chris brown – hollow, and mario – highway to love

Here are some newer singles that I’ve been boppin my head to more recently:

colby o’donis – talkin bout us, drake – forever, jojo – wrong man for the job, nivea – look back, omarion ft lil wayne – get it in, jordin sparks – colours, jordin sparks – walk the walk, juvenile – gotta get it, juvenile – hands on you, bsb – this is us, young money – money, beyonce – control, lil eddie – perfect time, toni braxton – i hate love, and toni braxton – yesterday

Toni Braxton and the BACKSTREET BOYS are back!!!

Random fact of the moment: Notepad is awesome, no frou frou ass fonts, formatting, and other bs. I use it all day everyday. And if you don’t know, now you know nigga. Then GI Joe said, “And knowing is half the battle.”

Line of the moment: “it may not mean nothing to y’all, but understand nothing was done for me, so i don’t plan on stopping at all, i want this shiz forever man…”

Before I leave for now, I noticed its apparently cool to post videos again, so enjoy this:

Please believe I will incorporate that into my shit-talking vernacular, niggas. CHILD PLEASE…

Link, because this embedding shit is not working: Stewie – Squiggly Line

That is so true, Stewie. I too have a squiggly line in my eye. My doctor called it a floater. Sometimes when I wake up early, I just lay there in bed trying to look at it. But the squiggly line is evasive and always eludes my focus.

Signin out for now, this is my new alter-ego:

-dre’mond





you can do it, put your back into it…

27 07 2009

1339489060_l

Digital Freestyle Fridays debuted with a battle of wits featuring emcee The Brain (me, hailing fresh out of Seattle) vs. B-boy Kim Jong il (Eric, reppin Pyongyang to the fullest). Transcripts of the sick ass ryhmes follow:

Things started off slow with disconnected one-liners:

me: this ray, lights up your day
Eric: lights up your day, like a dish by bobby flay
me: cut off those lines, cuz man they bees gay
i can continue, man i can go all day
Eric: don’t tempt me to retort, you’ll end up in the death report
m’fer acting like this a game like tron, but i’ll school you like cam’ron

Then, with some help from Rick Ross, the real ryhmes started flowing:

me: look up at the stars, she like honey where’s the roof
pull up hear the dogs canaries, they goin woof
Eric: then move to the corner, try to act aloof
to ‘void the 5-0 from knocking me for truf (truth)
me: i bake bread but i gotta wait for it to proof
make the po-pos go away like magic say *poof*
have em come to your door knock you straight in the toof (tooth)
Eric: then pull out that gin and juice, rock it with the homies and blaze up that spruce
now i’m feeling like scrappin with some bitches like yous
me: ride your girl like a horse, but her hoof is loose
DOUBLE PTS!!!
Eric: ahahahaha
ok i admit defeat
i think i’d just be vying to beat that line for the rest of the battle

Eric: i’ll start this one slow, so you can follow my flow,
if it confuse you like dro, lemme know, i’ll i’ll take it to slo-mo
kkk, wow that’s bad…but at least an easy one to build off
me: uhoh, you stealin the weezy stutter
you take it slow, cuz your brain cant grow, at a pace that will match to your race, uh-oh, i switched up the ryhme
Eric: don’t stress it ain’t no crime, knowing your limits it was only a matter of time
before you ran out of lines, like bobby brown ‘fore he hit his and mine
me: im generous so let me drop you a line, a dime for key it’ll make you feel divine, sniff snort pop pills all the time, you madd f’d up got you riding on the pine
‘riding on the pine’ like sitting on the end of the bench… on a team sport
OOOOH
i just explained it son
Eric: riding on the pine? you musta heard your moms last night riding on mine
making insinuations like i ain’t even trying, like you ain’t even lying, in every rhyme, sipping wine, trying to get you hine-
E be my name, don’t let it wane… like the brothers incorporated, i done let it be stated, you ain’t nothing just cuz you act like you incarcerated
me: i was lock’d up in your love straight jaded, i walk behind smokers to get a lil faded, then my face sometimes contorts like i’m gettin masterbated
Eric: masterbated? this guy talking like sex overrated, like the fish juice is locked up and steel-plated, and crated around, underground, or buried under the Sound
of the Puget, you lose it?
aiight i’ll pause til you catch up like whoo kid
me: it aint overrated, its just that i dated, the mother of your child, who had me all elated, me and her mated, but kept it a secret, now you taking care of my son gold plated

Even Mr. Fresh Prince of Bel Air himself, Will Smith, made a cameo appearance to spit a few of his notoriously child-friendly bars:

Will Smith: i do homework all day to get straight A’s, i love all kinds of people the straights and the gays, i try my best to stay away from that purple haze, but sometimes i relax with a book and some earl gray

Stay tuned for the next session of Digital Freestyle Fridays. Hopefully they will feature some better ryhmes… and maybe The Brain won’t be constantly interupted by co-workers, whilst splittin hot fiiiiire.

Breezy Alert!

Yo, I want to give madd props to Carrie Prejean, the former Miss California. Not only for being ridiculously hot, but for keeping it real and speakin up. While I can’t say I agree or disagree with her stated opinion (that gays shouldn’t be able to legally marry), I give her triple DAPS for her response to a question from a gay judge (Perez Hilton?), in front of a huge live and tv audience, which took some major courage. Unlike all them other boogie-ass rehearsed answers to those other lame questions. Me, being a man, a tremendous one at that, am fine with the homos and their lifestyle choice. I mean, I have a good friend named Pablo, who chooses to play the catcher position in a two-man game of baseball, so it’s all good in the hood. ~paging Doctor Faggot!~

Here’s some pics for the uninformed:

chef-and-miss-ca-copy
Mmm, delicious, white girl

carrieprejean
Cali breezys > WA breezys. Its no contest.

RESPECT
I’m not gonna speak in detail about MJ’s passing, because the media has already covered the shiz out of it. I’m also not down with his over-glorification, cuz he was an admitted pedobear, but he did make some good music. Nigs are coming all out of the woodwork to celebrate Steve McNair and MJ’s life… why couldn’t they do the same for real American heroes like Fredrick Douglas or Ed McMahon?

Also, peepz the tribute to MJ from The Game Ft. Diddy, Chris Brown, Boyz II Men, and Polow Da Don – Better On the Otherside. Chorus is hot, but The Game kinda phones in his lines. Props to Diddy for phonetically pronouncing philanthropy: fil-lan-tro-py. Apparently this is a common problem with celebrities:
www.jlaforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=7103448.

RIP Walter Cronkite. I don’t know much about you, but you deserve some props for speaking the truth about the Vietnam War.

On the real though, I feel more sadness over the passing of Farrah Fawcett, than these other celebs. I never really knew much about her, or gave her many props cuz she’s just another blonde actress who attended Lakers games when I despised them. But I gained some newfound respect for her, after watching the documentary focusing on her struggles with cancer. Moment of silence, son.

New Music

001_nicole_scherzinger

-Nicole Scherzinger – Save Me From Myself. Average slow song from a hottie with much body.
-Stevie Hoang – Changes, I’ll Be Fine, Turn U On, I’m Missing You, and U Turn. Interesting, a Chinese dude in Britain (with a british accent!) who started as a music producer, then started singing. Not the best vocalist out there, but def got some catchy r&b tracks.
-Richgirl Ft. Chris Brown – Smile & Wave. Catchy little pop song. I’ll probably play this out in a week.
-Marie Digby – Surrender. Another youtube sensation with catchy pop songs?!? Similar to Michelle Branch, who is awesome and greatly missed.
-Lil Eddie Ft. Tiwa Savage – Love Next Door. More catchy pop songs, wheredafuc is all the rap at?
-Ryan Teddar – Gravity. Sounds like a demo track for another artist, but yet again, the lead singer of One Republic killsss it.
-Jay Sean – Why Why Why. Just found out this guy is Indian. Not like hyoh-hyoh-hyoh Native American Indian, but like Mahatma Ghandi Indian. Um yea, decent second single with too much handclap.
-Gorilla Zoe – Echo. So yea, this isn’t new, and I’d heard it before, but they were blaring it in the clubs in Vegas and this song sounds ridiculously tight at 120dB with a bit of loosey juice in your system. Peepz it if you haven’t.
-Jay-Z Ft. Kanye West & Rihanna – Run This Town. A rap track fom da hova, oooh. Head noddin beat with some nice ryhmes from Jay and Yeezy. Rihanna’s voice seems to have gotten more annoying after ChrisBreezy laid a beating on her.

Jordin Sparks – Battlefield. [ALBUM]
Jordin-Sparks-Battlefield-Cover

Wow, I did not expect much out of this album at all, but damn was I wrong. Some slower bangers to vibe out to, and some faster big name production tracks for beat-maker-jockers like my co-blogger (wheredafuckistpain?). I can safely say that if Jordin Sparks was actually hot, she would absolutely BLOW UP.

Anyways, here’s the notable tracks thus far: Walking on Snow, Battlefield, It Takes More, Watch You Go, Post card, and Paper cut. After just a week of perusing, this has already surpassed the Esmee Denters album… I think.

SLOAN is baaaaack!

Its the best time of the year right now, beautiful weather, longs days of sun light, and the best tv show out there, Entourage has returned! No HBO? Watch that shiz online or download it. You have no excuse for not being hip to this show. Go here to see all past episodes and even the new ones: ENTOURAGE. You can blame tpain if you get addicted and end up watching 10 episodes in one sitting.

The last season of this show was a little disappointing, but this new season’s premiere brought a smile to my face with the return of the best looking breezy to EVAR appear on the show: Sloan AKA my future wife AKA the first-ever SMASH-certified hottie AKA Emmanuelle Chiriqui!

Pics for your enjoyment:

sloan-mcquewick
Perk-y

Entourage

Oh so beautiful. I bet she was reading this blog on her laptop.

Next time, maybe a post with more substance, but I’m crip-walkin out for now…

-JamMasterRay





po-po-po-poke her face

17 06 2009

Apologies for the lateness of this post, I’ve been busy depleting the ocean of its shellfish and building an awesome model car (pics to come later). Hopefully this is worth the wait. Let’s start off with some albums I’ve been diggin recently. Songs in bold are must-listens!

Rick Ross – Deeper Than Rap
Notable tracks: Mafia Music, Maybach Music 2, Usual Suspects, Rich Off Cocaine, Lay Back, and In Cold Blood. The BOSSS is back with his gangsta rap. I like bumpin this while driving to work, while doing work at work, and doing work at home… in my bed. Tracks can get you hyped and ready to go slang some rocks. He really shouldn’t be shirt-less in all of his music videos though…

Mat Kearney – City of Black & White
Notable tracks: All I Have, Closer To Love, Here We Go, Lifeline, Runaway Car, Never Be Ready, Annie, and Straight Away. Most of these tracks are good ‘work music’. Just toss on the headphones and play it in the background to drown out them annoying voices and sounds of people actually being productive.

Imogen Heap – Speak For Yourself
Notable Tracks: Headlock, Goodnight and Go, Have You Got it in You, Loose Ends, Hide and Seek, Clear the Area, The Walk, and Just for Now. Yeah I know this album came out in 2005, and I’m hella late, but better late than never right? Seriously the best album I’ve heard in a long time. About the opposite end of the spectrum from the nigga music t-pain loves, but he needs to give this album a try, as do YOU!

Special shouts for two more amazing songs from her that are not on this album: Speeding Cars and Frou Frou – Let Go.

Esmee Denters – Outta Here
Notable Tracks: Victim, Outta Here, Gravity, What If, Getting Over You, Just Can’t Have It, Casanova, Bigger Than the World, and Sad Symphony. The first artist signed to sexy Justin Timberlake’s music label is a youtube sensation. This album features big-name production, so if you like to jock people named Timbaland and Danja, you should peeps it. Originally I gave this a 3/5 stars for bravely trying to copy Jojo’s amazing style. But after some repeated listens, I’ll give her a final tally of 4/5 stars cuz I think I’m hooked.

esmee

I haven’t happened upon any bangin hip-hop lately, so here’s some lovely boys and girls R&B music. Scrounge for the links yourselves:

Keri Hilson – Hurts Me (mos def should’ve been on the album. 5/5 starsss)
Brandy – Love Me the Most, Back and Forth
Christina Milian Ft. Kanye – Diamonds (kanye is actually barable)
Monica – Once in a Lifetime (new album coming soon?)
Toni Braxton – Not a Chance, Heart Never Had a Hero (new album coming soon?)
Paula Deanda – Back From Alone (new album coming soon? last one in 06 was a bangHER.)
LeToya – She Ain’t Got Shit on Me (new album coming soon? man she was lookin fiiine in her first music video after she got cut from Destiny’s Child.)

Private Residence

Jaicko Lawrence – Dreaming About You (no idea who this is, but catchy soulja boy beat, without the horrifical soulja boy)
Jaicko Lawrence – Not Tryna Fall In Love (wow, let me proclaim this neeg the next Chris Brown/Ne-Yo, but uglier)
Jay Sean Ft. Lil Wayne – Down (a lil electro-pop for tpain, featuring his fav rapper)
Ne-Yo – Lincoln Continental (sums up how i feel most of the time, but the beat is kind of annoying)
Ryan Teddar – Battlefield (way better than Jordin Sparks version)
Tyrese – Take Me Away (tpain loves the vocoder)
Usher – What’s a Guy to Do (new album coming soon? maybe another video with the HOTTT keri hilson?!)

kerihilson

PICTURE STORY ALERT!!!

Just in case any movie producers are reading this blog, here’s a random story about my traveling sweat pants (its contains pictures for the slow kids with ADD):

Recently, something tragic happened to me and my beloved sweat pants. I decided to post about it because my sweats are my friend (and because this blog seems to be lacking content that will draw in new readership). Let me begin this story with a journey way back in time…

It was the year 2001, and I was just a gangsta thug roaming the aisles of a Westfield mall in the heart of Sydney, Australia (yes, black people can travel internationally too). I stumble into a Foot Locker to check what’s poppin off with sneakerheads in the Land Down Under. No sexy shoes to see, but I spot a bombtastic pair of Saucony Athletic sweat pants in my favorite color, GREY. Not gray, not silver, GREY. They have cargo pockets on the side, where I can stash my brown paper bag money, so I knew I had to copz.

DSCN7678

Problem is, my paper stackz is low from my daily visits to McDonald’s for soft serve ice cream cones… so I hollur at my momz, and she spots me some bills. I got home and started rockin my sweats with the tags still on. Straight fresh to def like my main man Hugh Hef. Back in Seattle, I rock the sweats everywhere. Out to eat, everyday to school, to kick it with the homies, and to the gym.

sweats
Paired with my fav shoes of all-time (grey nike huraches)!
Pls ignore the enormous bulge in the crotch-region, some things just can’t be hidden.

One sad night (July 4th), I made the poor decision to wear my sweats to a roman candle fight. Now I’m not talking about your run of the mill, boogie wack-ass stand 30 ft from each other on some strategic type battle shit. I’m talking about some in yo face, afghani mountain guerilla warfare, 2-on-1 business. Now in battle number three of the night, I’m gettin lit up by two converging enemies when suddenly a stray flaming ball of fury hits my sweat pants just above the right pocket. Hella amped from the action, I continue on double-fisting with roman candles ablazing, unbeknownst to the mini-fire burning a hole through my beloved sweats. Finally alerted to the wildfire, I extinguish the flames with the palm of my hand, Clint Eastwood style, you gook. I had my dad sew a patch over the hole and the pants remain rock-able.

Roman-Candle-Fight

Fast forward to now, and I’ve relegated my sweats to sleepwear. Ask some of the lucky ladies that have joined me in the COCKpit of my sleeping vessle and 7 months out of the year I’m rocking my sweats to bed every night. The wear and tear has begun to show. The sweats no longer fit snugly around my waist, so I have to tug them up with every other step. This has caused the fabric to wear very thin at the ‘pull-up’ points (just imagine where black people hold onto their jeans when they’re running away from the cops).

Fast forward to yesterday, and I’m chillin in the kitchen, cookin up some nice grits and collard greens with a slice of watermelon and grape soda… and my sweats start slippin down. No biggie, this happens all the time. Two hands on my backside, pull up, and the pants should be proper. Except no, this time, things were different. I grasped my sweats firmly, and as I went to lift them up above ass-line (I sag for the homies in prison who can’t do so) I feel a strange poke come through… my finger has tragically pierced through the worn fabric area on my sweats.

DSCN7681
Worn fabric area, hole, and patched hole.

In a fit of rage, I remove my sweat pants and toss them to the ground in a disgusted fashion. How could my sweats be ruined? I used Snuggle fabric softner, so you would last a lifetime (and for that hella cute bear). I can’t wear clothes that have more than one hole in them. That crosses the line from gangsta to nigga-poor…

Finally accepting the fact, I picked up my sweats and gently laid them out on a chair. From now on, I’m gonna leave these sweat pants in my car. I’ll be just like Linus from Peanuts, except instead of a blanket, I have my sweat pants. Hate if you want… I just love my sweat pants.

linus

THE END!

I can’t leave tpain without something to dream about at night, besides him sitting behind me on a Yamaha R6 50th Anniversary motorcycle, so enjoy… the many faces (and bodies) of the caucasian female.

Jennifer Love Hewitt: all-natural beautifulnessnessness.
jennifer_love_hewitt

Blake Lively: meh I don’t think I’m diggin it at all, but tpain might.
blake-lively

Carrie Underwood: damn look at them legs. legs for daaaays son. I’ll take them legs with a side of cole slaw and biscuits… is what a black guy would say. Damn Tony Romo, you are a crazy man for passing on that. Though following it up with Jessica Simpson is like passing on clam chowder for seafood bisque, either way you’re eating good in the neighborhood.
Carrie

Also, this dude reminds me of my homosexual friend Pablo, who is almost this COOL:

1196149167239

outro.

-hurRAYcane





can’t get you outta my system…

19 03 2009

She’s back! Miss Keri, baby.

kerihilson

News of her album droppin on 3/24 was music to my ears, just like her album is… music to my ears. Yes, her album in its entirety has leaked again. Find your own link or copz it in stores. I feel kind of bad, cuz apparently that’s what delayed her album in the first place, but you know how I do.

After watching the following video, her hotness is obviously on that beyonce/a-keys level, if not higher (that’s Meagan Good territory). Certify me with that Jungle Fever stamp, son!


Imagine waking up next to that every day. GAH!

So after listenin through ‘In A Perfect World’ a few times and other previously leaked tracks, here’s what pops off as Miss Keri’s notable bangers:

On the album: Knock You Down, Intuition, Change Me (Prob second best ‘new’ song on the album), Energy, and Where Did He Go. Pretty much every song is at least decent, except Set Your Money Up and Return the Favor. Timbaland is fallin off…

Not on the album: Mic Check (how is this NOT on the album?!?), Do It, Control Me, Luv Ya, What Channel, Turnin Me On Remix Ft. T-Pain & Lil Wayne (wayyy better than the original), and Promise in the Dark.

Honorable mention: Wrong When You’re Gone. Apparently she wrote this song for JLo and sang a sample of it (cuz JLo can’t sing for shiz). Well the snippet leaked and she obv KILT it; whereas JLo’s version sucks toes. Please re-record this and put it out baby! JLo’s version for reference: puertoricanssuckdicks.

Best new track (best click the link son!): Alienated. Its prob the hottest track from her since ‘Energy’ and I’ve had it on repeat non-stop. Real classic love-in-the-summer banger. Beat, lyrics, and vocals are all on point. The song even ends well with a nice little ding-ding-do-dou-do-ding-ding.

meagan_good
Random pic of Meagan Good… cuz there was too much dense text. She’s hottt in nig & white photo. 🙂

Its March Madness time snigs. Please believe my Thursday/Friday will comprise chatting/trash talking online (cuz my coworkers ain’t down for the crown) and monitoring sports.yahoo.com all day. I’ve posted one of my NCAA brackets for all the world to see. I suggest you fill one out and see if you can beat me. These predictions are pretty much a guessing game, and they’re easier to do than pummeling t-pain at Gears of War 2.

THE NCAA Bracket 2009 This is a link cuz homoWordpress doesn’t support .bmp files. WTF?

Speaking of gow2, this game is ridiculously addictive. Its like sex with crack, mixed with a bit of meth on the side. No lie. I’ve been tempted to just stay home from work and play gow2 all day and eat pistachio crackers with kool-aid. I imagine that how’s these mo’fockers that be killin me constantly get sooo good.

The verdict is in on Minka Kelly… PIZZ-ASS. I mean, well, not pass. Please believe I would smash that if I found her laying in my bed/chair/ground/passenger seat, but she’s nothing more than a poor man’s Emmanuelle Chiriqui. And if you don’t know, now you know…

eman

Since t-pain had the courage to bring up a breezy for voting, I shall do the same. Hello y’all, please meet Megan Fox (two pics, cuz she’s worth the extra download time).

megan-fox-fhm-3

megan-fox-1

Well, she’s not exactly unknown, but I think she has a good chance of being certified as A) she’s crazy FOXy, B) she was in an animated film t-pain adores, and C) she’s not black. t-pain despises girls of his own color. self-racism is a bitch.

Just cuz I gots the time, I’ll provide one more candidate for SorP certification. I know she’s already a strong candidate cuz she’s part Chinese, which is t-pain’s kryptonite. Just like mine’s are fried foods, fast women, and pandas. Mmm Kelly Hu. You make me want to sit in the dark and watch re-runs of Nash Bridges all night long. By the way, that show was focking awesome.

kelly_hu

Don’t forget to check out new episodes of the best hak-gwei show on tv right now: The Game. Hopefully it won’t be the next in the long line of black comedies to get cancelled. 😦

Before I leave, big shouts to the nig for holding it down in LA. Them pics of the PCH are sweet. Next time i’ll post the vid of me and El Spic-o riding dirty on that freeway. Props on the new wHip too. Glad you got the 19s to make the ladies swoon; and the leather, so the breezies won’t stain the interior. Don’t sweat the popo’s down there vato, i’m sure they’re just jealous seeing a dark-skinned nig pushin that sweet black ass. wtf am i even talking about anymore?

Must be time to end this, till next time SNEEgroes…

-mr. RAYsin





Quickie

26 01 2009

Just a quick one, I blame GOW2 for the lack of writing in this post. Straight to the music we go…

Michael Franti & Spearhead-Hey World

http://rapidshare.com/files/135709655/Michale_Franti___SpearHead-ALL_REBEL_ROCKERS.part1.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/135709656/Michale_Franti___SpearHead-ALL_REBEL_ROCKERS.part2.rar

Aeroc-Blue Eyed Bitter
Just a random track I got from some sampler.
http://www.last.fm/music/Aeroc/_/Blue+Eyed+Bitter

Kenmochi Hidefumi-Falliccia
More stuff from Hydeout/Japan. Yeaaah boy!

John Legend-Everybody Knows
http://www.zshare.net/audio/54410305a2ce5b14/

Chamillionaire-Mixtape Messiah 6
http://www.sendspace.com/file/ageb2m

TI ft. Akon-Hero
http://www.zshare.net/audio/543897538dfc7758/

The Game ft. Anthony Hamilton – Hustler’s Dream
Not a big Game fan but he’s not too bad here. Wish the chorus was different though.
http://limelinx.com/files/145b2f7ad7ad06a71c44ffaa7f368099

Kiley Dean-Days Go By
Guess this was some album from 2003 that never got released. If you like JoJo and stuff like that than you might like this, Raymond is the expert with this kind of music so I’ll have to see what he thinks. I had to go look up the sample cuz I couldn’t place it; Dilated Peoples, Ludacris, Young Jeezy and some others used it just in case anyone was wondering like me.

Full Album-“Simple Girl”

Beyonce – Save The Hero
A few tracks that supposedly didn’t make it onto Sasha Fierce. Best of the bunch for me would be the second one, Save The Hero.

Also, I saw The Wrestler last week and they had this preview before the movie, I had a good laugh at the title. Maybe the first movie to be SOP certified???

And I guess I should watch Fox more often so I can keep up with my sex terms.

Possible topics for my next (actual/real) post: music apps and finding tunes online, changes in the stable, whether or not Forgetting Sarah Marshall will become the first sop certified movie, and a counter-argument to whatever Raymond says about the viaduct, just cuz I likes to f’ with him.

Have a good week yall,
tpain

PS: It took a whole year but o’snaps Raymond actually certified Emancipator’s album. I guess miracles do happen.
PSS: WTF is up with wordpress and this formatting. Sorry things are all spaced funky. Maybe it’s time for a new theme…