po-po-po-poke her face

17 06 2009

Apologies for the lateness of this post, I’ve been busy depleting the ocean of its shellfish and building an awesome model car (pics to come later). Hopefully this is worth the wait. Let’s start off with some albums I’ve been diggin recently. Songs in bold are must-listens!

Rick Ross – Deeper Than Rap
Notable tracks: Mafia Music, Maybach Music 2, Usual Suspects, Rich Off Cocaine, Lay Back, and In Cold Blood. The BOSSS is back with his gangsta rap. I like bumpin this while driving to work, while doing work at work, and doing work at home… in my bed. Tracks can get you hyped and ready to go slang some rocks. He really shouldn’t be shirt-less in all of his music videos though…

Mat Kearney – City of Black & White
Notable tracks: All I Have, Closer To Love, Here We Go, Lifeline, Runaway Car, Never Be Ready, Annie, and Straight Away. Most of these tracks are good ‘work music’. Just toss on the headphones and play it in the background to drown out them annoying voices and sounds of people actually being productive.

Imogen Heap – Speak For Yourself
Notable Tracks: Headlock, Goodnight and Go, Have You Got it in You, Loose Ends, Hide and Seek, Clear the Area, The Walk, and Just for Now. Yeah I know this album came out in 2005, and I’m hella late, but better late than never right? Seriously the best album I’ve heard in a long time. About the opposite end of the spectrum from the nigga music t-pain loves, but he needs to give this album a try, as do YOU!

Special shouts for two more amazing songs from her that are not on this album: Speeding Cars and Frou Frou – Let Go.

Esmee Denters – Outta Here
Notable Tracks: Victim, Outta Here, Gravity, What If, Getting Over You, Just Can’t Have It, Casanova, Bigger Than the World, and Sad Symphony. The first artist signed to sexy Justin Timberlake’s music label is a youtube sensation. This album features big-name production, so if you like to jock people named Timbaland and Danja, you should peeps it. Originally I gave this a 3/5 stars for bravely trying to copy Jojo’s amazing style. But after some repeated listens, I’ll give her a final tally of 4/5 stars cuz I think I’m hooked.

esmee

I haven’t happened upon any bangin hip-hop lately, so here’s some lovely boys and girls R&B music. Scrounge for the links yourselves:

Keri Hilson – Hurts Me (mos def should’ve been on the album. 5/5 starsss)
Brandy – Love Me the Most, Back and Forth
Christina Milian Ft. Kanye – Diamonds (kanye is actually barable)
Monica – Once in a Lifetime (new album coming soon?)
Toni Braxton – Not a Chance, Heart Never Had a Hero (new album coming soon?)
Paula Deanda – Back From Alone (new album coming soon? last one in 06 was a bangHER.)
LeToya – She Ain’t Got Shit on Me (new album coming soon? man she was lookin fiiine in her first music video after she got cut from Destiny’s Child.)

Private Residence

Jaicko Lawrence – Dreaming About You (no idea who this is, but catchy soulja boy beat, without the horrifical soulja boy)
Jaicko Lawrence – Not Tryna Fall In Love (wow, let me proclaim this neeg the next Chris Brown/Ne-Yo, but uglier)
Jay Sean Ft. Lil Wayne – Down (a lil electro-pop for tpain, featuring his fav rapper)
Ne-Yo – Lincoln Continental (sums up how i feel most of the time, but the beat is kind of annoying)
Ryan Teddar – Battlefield (way better than Jordin Sparks version)
Tyrese – Take Me Away (tpain loves the vocoder)
Usher – What’s a Guy to Do (new album coming soon? maybe another video with the HOTTT keri hilson?!)

kerihilson

PICTURE STORY ALERT!!!

Just in case any movie producers are reading this blog, here’s a random story about my traveling sweat pants (its contains pictures for the slow kids with ADD):

Recently, something tragic happened to me and my beloved sweat pants. I decided to post about it because my sweats are my friend (and because this blog seems to be lacking content that will draw in new readership). Let me begin this story with a journey way back in time…

It was the year 2001, and I was just a gangsta thug roaming the aisles of a Westfield mall in the heart of Sydney, Australia (yes, black people can travel internationally too). I stumble into a Foot Locker to check what’s poppin off with sneakerheads in the Land Down Under. No sexy shoes to see, but I spot a bombtastic pair of Saucony Athletic sweat pants in my favorite color, GREY. Not gray, not silver, GREY. They have cargo pockets on the side, where I can stash my brown paper bag money, so I knew I had to copz.

DSCN7678

Problem is, my paper stackz is low from my daily visits to McDonald’s for soft serve ice cream cones… so I hollur at my momz, and she spots me some bills. I got home and started rockin my sweats with the tags still on. Straight fresh to def like my main man Hugh Hef. Back in Seattle, I rock the sweats everywhere. Out to eat, everyday to school, to kick it with the homies, and to the gym.

sweats
Paired with my fav shoes of all-time (grey nike huraches)!
Pls ignore the enormous bulge in the crotch-region, some things just can’t be hidden.

One sad night (July 4th), I made the poor decision to wear my sweats to a roman candle fight. Now I’m not talking about your run of the mill, boogie wack-ass stand 30 ft from each other on some strategic type battle shit. I’m talking about some in yo face, afghani mountain guerilla warfare, 2-on-1 business. Now in battle number three of the night, I’m gettin lit up by two converging enemies when suddenly a stray flaming ball of fury hits my sweat pants just above the right pocket. Hella amped from the action, I continue on double-fisting with roman candles ablazing, unbeknownst to the mini-fire burning a hole through my beloved sweats. Finally alerted to the wildfire, I extinguish the flames with the palm of my hand, Clint Eastwood style, you gook. I had my dad sew a patch over the hole and the pants remain rock-able.

Roman-Candle-Fight

Fast forward to now, and I’ve relegated my sweats to sleepwear. Ask some of the lucky ladies that have joined me in the COCKpit of my sleeping vessle and 7 months out of the year I’m rocking my sweats to bed every night. The wear and tear has begun to show. The sweats no longer fit snugly around my waist, so I have to tug them up with every other step. This has caused the fabric to wear very thin at the ‘pull-up’ points (just imagine where black people hold onto their jeans when they’re running away from the cops).

Fast forward to yesterday, and I’m chillin in the kitchen, cookin up some nice grits and collard greens with a slice of watermelon and grape soda… and my sweats start slippin down. No biggie, this happens all the time. Two hands on my backside, pull up, and the pants should be proper. Except no, this time, things were different. I grasped my sweats firmly, and as I went to lift them up above ass-line (I sag for the homies in prison who can’t do so) I feel a strange poke come through… my finger has tragically pierced through the worn fabric area on my sweats.

DSCN7681
Worn fabric area, hole, and patched hole.

In a fit of rage, I remove my sweat pants and toss them to the ground in a disgusted fashion. How could my sweats be ruined? I used Snuggle fabric softner, so you would last a lifetime (and for that hella cute bear). I can’t wear clothes that have more than one hole in them. That crosses the line from gangsta to nigga-poor…

Finally accepting the fact, I picked up my sweats and gently laid them out on a chair. From now on, I’m gonna leave these sweat pants in my car. I’ll be just like Linus from Peanuts, except instead of a blanket, I have my sweat pants. Hate if you want… I just love my sweat pants.

linus

THE END!

I can’t leave tpain without something to dream about at night, besides him sitting behind me on a Yamaha R6 50th Anniversary motorcycle, so enjoy… the many faces (and bodies) of the caucasian female.

Jennifer Love Hewitt: all-natural beautifulnessnessness.
jennifer_love_hewitt

Blake Lively: meh I don’t think I’m diggin it at all, but tpain might.
blake-lively

Carrie Underwood: damn look at them legs. legs for daaaays son. I’ll take them legs with a side of cole slaw and biscuits… is what a black guy would say. Damn Tony Romo, you are a crazy man for passing on that. Though following it up with Jessica Simpson is like passing on clam chowder for seafood bisque, either way you’re eating good in the neighborhood.
Carrie

Also, this dude reminds me of my homosexual friend Pablo, who is almost this COOL:

1196149167239

outro.

-hurRAYcane

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One response

27 06 2009
ericcs

finaleezy…nice post. Hrmmm I remember those sweats fondly…RIP. when did you become a leg man? Taking a cue from yours truly I see…I now have more fire to hit you with on our next freestyle friday battle.

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