Blame it on the ah-ah-ah-al-cohol…

4 05 2009

Don’t feel like typing much with the NBA playoffs going on (go houston rockets!), so here’s a short post I had saved on another comp. I’ll be back with something more tasty later on. ~wheredafuckistpain~

*The following list is posted here, cuz I’m sure some people on FB wouldn’t be able to handle the realness of it all. It is in response to those lists of “25 random things about yourself” that took over FB a while back.*

So I took a break from my busy schedule of sitting and sleeping to draft up a list of 25 random facts about myself. Read on as I pour out my heart and inner-most feelings…

1. If you knew what I was thinking all the time, you would LOL and think I’m crazy.

2. I like simple things. If I could, I would use Notepad for everything and store only a butcher’s knife and pair of chopsticks in my kitchen.

3. When meeting new people, I subconsciously ignore their name. So if I actually know your name, congrats, you’re either someone I see on a regular basis, a good friend, or a hot breezy.

4. Sometimes I like to drive with my eyes closed, just to see how long I can drive without sight. This all stopped on August 21, 2006… not because something happened, just cuz I felt like it.

5. The overall size of my head is ridiculous. I keep my hair short in hopes of disguising the enormity of it all.

6. If I could be anything other than what I am, I would be a panda. I would sit there all day, eat bamboo, reproduce little panda babies, and straight lounge in the forest. Get too close though, and I’d choke your ass out.

7. I never speak like I write. This is partly attributed to my poor orator skills and partly my way of holding onto my gangsta-ness, even in a corporate environment.

8. One of my goals is to travel to every continent, then I could finally be the first black man on Antarctica.

9. I am very loyal, almost to a fault, similar to a dog. On the flip side, cross the line, and I am very stubborn, similar to a rock.

10. I am not good friends with anyone who cannot make me laugh.

11. I don’t know how to give compliments very well, so if I don’t give you some props, its not cuz I’m a hater. I just feel weird saying things like ‘wow, you look gorgeous’ or ‘you’re very good at washing those dishes’.

12. I sit in meetings and make funny/awkward faces to see who else is not paying attention.

13. I’ve been depressed ever since 2003, when my goal of dunking in high school never came to fruition.

14. If I could, I would wear sweat pants everywhere. Then when I get home, I’d put on dress pants, just to blow your mind. I’m special like that.

15. I like to use humor in all situations, especially to make things more awkward.

16. I used to take pencil fighting pretty seriously. If you’ve ever cheated at pencil fighting, then you know what I’m sayin.

17. I am self-conscious. For instance, I think I sound weird when I pronounce words like ‘swirl’ and ‘squirrel’, so I pause, then employ substitute phrases like ‘mix that shit around’ and ‘look at that brown shit eating nuts’.

18. If I were rich, I would become a chef, and open up my FUCK YOU restaurant. I would serve all sorts of crazy, but tasty combinations that will be listed in the menu with inordinate amounts of profanity (eg. the pussy bitch burger with cocksauce). I will then have a heart attack and die within a year while laying in bed with Meagan Good.

19. I’ve learned that there will always be someone better than you at something. For example, Lebron would undoubtedly smash me on the bball court… but switch that to bball in a swimming pool, and like all black people, he will dissolve.

20. I like to read famous quotes and make quotes out of song lyrics.

21. If I were black, my name would be De’Andre and I would properly enunciate the ending of words. I would be a music-producing phenom and eat everything with a side of hot sauce and ranch, even ice cream. I would walk around with white paint around my ankles, so it looked like I always wore a fresh pair of socks.

22. If I were white, my name would be Sebastien and I would speak with an English accent. I would live in a condo on the eastside and be irresistable to asian girls fresh out of college. My face would show up in your dreams at night, making you feel insecure about your sexual preference.

23. Often times when someone is talking to me, I ponder what would happen if I just randomly hugged the person or socked them in the face. One day I will do more than just ponder the outcome…

24. I never looked forward to growing older. Not when I was a kid, not when I was 20, and not now. I would bust out the Toys ‘r us kids song right now, but Geoffrey the Giraffe didn’t come to the ghetto, so I don’t know how it goes.

25. Everyday I wake up hoping that I will have regained 2 of my 5 senses, but I frown knowing that I will forever lack the ability to smell and taste. Yeah, I wanted to leave you on a somber note.

And because I don’t like leaving y’all without something to analyze, here’s a new female up for SorP certification… Kelly Monaco:

Sportsman's Lodge


I’ve posted them wholesome (safe for Eric’s kids) type of pics here. Feel free to do a Google image search for them nice Maxim/FHM type photos or here’s some links for the lazy AKA tpain (hot, hotter, and HOTTEST)… OUTRO.

-el raymundo




One response

17 05 2009

I will not comment on this past post of a pass-able female. I’m simply posting to ask where there promised new post is? Lazy ray-z…

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